10 Things You Might Not Know about Me

Most of the peeps that read my blog haven't known me for very long, so I figured I'd give you a few facts that people who've known me for most of my life already know:

1. I'm left-handed. This comes with a caveat because I really only use my left hand for writing and holding eating utensils.

2. I'm a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger brother, which makes me the family peacemaker. The fact that I'm a Libra also contributes to my peacemaking.

3. I was born on my parents' eighth wedding anniversary. Quite a gift, huh? I was also born exactly three weeks before my mom's birthday.

4. Uttering the words "I dare you" to me will only get you a derisive stare and possibly the finger. Some people can't resist a dare, but I'm 35, not 5.

5. I believe the phrase "It is what it is" should be stricken from the verbal lexicon. Of course it is what it is. How can it be anything else other than what it is?

6. I don't drink. Alcohol and I have never been friends for many reasons, not the least of which is a potential adverse reaction when mixed with my meds.

7. I used to weigh 220lbs. Yes, I did just type my former weight. Thanks to Weight Watchers, I'm 50lbs lighter. My magic number is 60lbs.

8. I don't want to have children. That means that I don't have a desire to be pregnant or birth babies. That doesn't mean that I'm not open to someday adopting an older child or two.

9. I won my county's spelling bee when I was 14. Yep, I'm a spelling geek. I'm a grammar geek, too.

10. I don't like coffee. We live in a very coffee-centric culture, what with there being a Starbucks on every corner. No amount of flavoring, sweetener, or creamer can mask the bitterness of coffee for me. I get my caffeine fix from Diet Dr. Pepper ;-).

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today is that Hallmark Holiday designed for lovers. Many a marriage proposal and many a wedding have happened on this day through the years. Those who are in a relationship feel all warm and fuzzy inside wondering what types of surprises they'll receive from their beloveds. Those who aren't in a relationship are either cursing this day, boycotting this day, or embracing it as just one more day when they've been afforded the opportunity to enjoy the beauty all around them. As someone who is not in a relationship, I am embracing this day as one where I'm happy, healthy, and loved by my family and friends. More importantly, I love myself. Tonight, instead of moping around because I don't have a date for Valentine's Day, I'm going to the gym and then I'm going to the movies to see one of my all-time favorites, Sixteen Candles. AMC Theatres is showing it on the big screen tonight at 7:00. I was just a little girl when that movie was released and back then I believed in that fairy tale kind of love that Samantha wanted with Jake. Over the years, whenever I watch it I still think to myself that I'd love for my crush to like me, too. But you know what? That is only a movie, after all, based on every teen girl's fantasies. Instead of sitting around waiting for my Jake Ryan, I'll continue to enjoy the things in this world that make me happy; like good movies, good music, good books, and good friends.

Could This Be My Year?

I'd like to begin my blogging for 2011 with a bit of optimism. We're eight days into February and I'm in the process of making my life better. As many of you know 2010 was not a good year for me. My grandmother passed away. I had to move yet again, and then three months into the new lease my boyfriend broke up with me. There were a few other things that happened too, but I won't bore you with the gory details. My weight-loss journey continues, but as of late I've been gaining and losing the same two or three pounds. I actually figure that's not too bad for someone who is an emotional eater and has had to deal with quite a bit of upheaval. I'm proud of the fact that I haven't let myself go and fallen back into old, self-destructive habits.

As I continue to take back control of my life, I'll be moving into a new apartment next month. It's a cute place that's very convenient with regard to getting to work via public transportation. No more waiting in the snow for the bus to come. All I have to do is walk across the street to the subway station. I already have all sorts of ideas for making it a home for me and Topaz.

After I'm settled in, it'll be time to finish up my classes for my copyediting certificate. I'm hoping to do some freelance work in that arena to earn some extra cash. Hopefully by the time spring rolls around I'll be able to meet my weight loss goal and become a Weight Watchers leader. It would bring me a great deal of joy to assist others on their journey and to let them know that although it's not easy, it is worthwhile. Maybe, just maybe by focusing on those things, I can make 2011 my year!

Open Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

I know that there's a lot of chaos going on out there, a great deal of which has been created by us humans. In my own little corner of the world I'm working to alleviate my contributions to the chaos all around me. I'm letting go of the negative people and energy that have been a constant in my life for too long. I'm also opening myself up so that you know that I'm willing to accept what you have to offer. If what you have to offer is less than desirable, but will benefit me in the long-run, I will accept it in the spirit in which it was given. I know that one of your main purposes is to facilitate my growth as a person. If it's something less than desirable and will only harm me in the long-run, I hope that the life lessons that you have taught me will help me to recognize that which is harmful and to walk away from it. In the past, you placed roadblocks all along some of the paths that I had chosen. Some of those roadblocks were to test my inner strength, but some of them were to test my sense of self. Having a distorted sense of self can have severe consequences. It manifests itself in not knowing your worth as a person, and makes it hard for you to speak your truth. Since I finally found the courage to start speaking my truth again, there are some people who say they don't recognize me, but those who know me deep down know that I have returned to a state of being that honors me as the strong, intelligent woman that I am. If someone doesn't like how I'm living my life then they don't have to be a part of it. It's just as simple as that. Thank you, Universe, for bringing me to where I am at this moment.

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow will be a time for us here in the United States to give thanks while spending time with our friends and family, feasting on good food. Those of you who follow my blog know that the past 4 months or so have been a bit rough for me. While making my way out of the darkness that was created by those rough times, I feel that I've had a spiritual awakening. Things aren't as good as they could be, but they're a whole helluva lot better than they would be had I continued on the same path. This spiritual awakening that I speak of has filled my heart to bursting with love, joy, and compassion for those around me. We're all in this life together, so why not leave good feelings and good vibes wherever we go? There are some people who are so far down that they think they'll never get back up again, but they're wrong. No matter how far down you get, with a bit of encouragement you can always pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. You really don't wanna know how many times I've had to do just that. If I told you, you'd wonder how I got out of bed in the morning. (Guess what? Some days I didn't.) If your life has taken a downturn, know that it won't last forever. Think of it in terms of the law of averages. Everything always averages out to be 50/50. Flip a coin 100 times, and the law of averages dictates that 50 times it'll come up heads and 50 times it'll come up tails. That may not truly be exact, but that just tells you that things will never go one way all the time. Life has its peaks and valleys, so if you're down in the valley, it's only a matter of time before you climb to the top of the peak. Be thankful that you get to experience those peaks and valleys. They shape who you are as a person, and let you know how strong you are. If you don't try to get to that next peak, what are you doing with your life? Nothing, but sitting around, waiting to die.

I Thought I Would Miss You More

We spent five years of our lives together. There were ups and downs. There were good times and bad. The day that you chose to end it, I was shocked. I know that what we had wasn't perfect, but I believed in us. Even after it was "offically" over, we were able to maintain a bond. Little did I know that this bond would make you think you had the right to dictate to me how I should live my life. When I finally stepped out of the neat little box that you had put me in, you went berserk. "How could you...?" "What gives you the right to...?" "You're nothing but a...!" The hateful words that flew from your mouth like projectile vomit washed over me, trying to drown me. Instead of thinking rationally, you lashed out. Your mission: to cause me as much pain as you feel I caused you. I knew you were hurting and tried to wait it out. Whenever I tried to reason with you, you shot me down. All of a sudden you questioned the past and every move I ever made. You let your paranoia get the best of you and made me out to be evil incarnate. After all of that, I still had sympathy for you. I know it was hard for you to see me moving on, but there was one action that dried up the last vestiges of my sympathy. Upon finding out how low you could sink, it's like the memories of times past magically disappeared. Those that know me know that I feel things very deeply. When someone hurts me, it cuts right to my very soul. Maybe the universe is trying to shield me from more pain by bringing me to a state of inner calm and peace. Now that you're gone, I honestly thought that I'd miss you more. Apparently the loss of your negative energy brought me to a place of acceptance.

Who Shapes Your View of the World?

No matter how much we all try to maintain our inner positivity and good humor, the way that we view the world can definitely be shaped by whomever we choose to spend our life with. By nature I'm a caring, generous, loving person who is slow to anger. As a Libra, I'm a natural born mediator and try to see both sides of any situation because fairness is very important to me. This morning I came to the realization that for four and a half years I let myself move further away from the traits that make me a good person. During that time I was sharing my life with someone who believes that the world is against him and that his lot in life will never change. Funnily enough, he wasn't really doing anything to change his lot in life. He was so closed off to the world around him. After being with him for a while, I closed myself off, too.

Now it's been four and a half months since we cut ties. Now that we have, I can feel myself opening up again. There's not a persistent black cloud over everything that I do and say. I've always smiled a lot, but now when I smile, I put my heart into that smile. Over the past six or seven months my weight-loss journey was hampered by the bad feelings that he brought out in me. I've finally got my head screwed on straight and over the past two weeks I lost 5lbs. I can see my goal just up ahead and I plan to keep charging hard to get there.

I let someone that I loved shape my view of the world. Had it not been for the fact that his outlook was one of a toxic nature, doing so would not necessarily have been a bad thing. But since his aura is rife with hatred and isolation, I, in turn, became surly and suspicious of everything and everyone around me. I also became quite apathetic. As many of us know, apathy never leads to good things. I'm happy to be once again shaping my own view of the world. If there ever comes another time in my life where I feel the need to choose someone to share my life with, I will be sure to choose someone who enhances my view of the world instead of shrouding me in the darkness that will only drag me down.