Have you ever had a friend tell you about a situation they were in and how they're dealing with it, only to say "If it were me, I would've done..."? Of course you have. We all have. Each of us likes to think that we have all the answers and that what we would do in a situation is the "right" thing. During my training to become a yoga teacher, I learned that everyone's reality is different. The reality that each of us deals with is based on where we were born, what our life experiences have been, and how we perceive the world around us. No two people's reality is exactly the same.
This morning I found out that a friend of mine's daughter is pregnant. One thing I realized while talking to her about it is that more than likely there are people coming at her from all sides telling her what she should and shouldn't do. More than likely they've never been in the situation that she's currently in, yet they feel as if they can be the voice of authority. I've been guilty of this with friends and family members. It's easy to sit back and say "Do this. Do that." when it's not you and it's not affecting your life. While talking to my friend this morning, I suddenly got it. Unless you're magically able to live the other person's life from day to day, you can't tell them exactly what they should do. All you can do is tell them to do what feels right. Intuition is a part of ourselves that often goes ignored because it commonly tells us things that we don't want to hear. When someone tells you to trust your gut, they're referring to your intuition. Instead of telling a person what they should or shouldn't do, tell them to trust their intuition. If they sit still and be quiet they will hear that inner voice that will never steer them wrong. Many times the brain takes over and tells you to do something that doesn't feel right, and then you hear your intuition screaming at you not to go down that path. Turn the brain off, and let your instincts take over.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, August 13, 2012
Do You Love Yourself?
Lately I've been encountering people who, for some reason or other, have low self-esteem. Many of them are absolutely wonderful, but they can only see their flaws. Newsflash: We all have flaws. None of us is perfect. Plus perfection is actually rather boring. Looking at myself objectively, I think my belly is too flabby and that my thighs are too fat, but those are just two minor parts of a whole person. When you look at those things in conjunction with the rest of me, I'm not half bad ;-).
A friend of mine has someone in her life that she cares about, but he treats her badly. He's selfish and rude. She did him a huge favor, and when I say huge, I mean life-altering. In return he can't even be bothered to treat her with decency. Her life would be exponentially better if she cut ties with him, but she won't. I asked her if she loved him more than she loves herself. Without hesitation she said "Yes". She believes that his life is worth so much more than hers. When are people going to understand that every human life is valuable? I have a major problem with these assholes that go around killing innocent people because they're pissed off about something or depressed. If you're messed up, don't be trying to take other people with you. Although I feel every human life is important, if someone wants to die, that's on them, not me. It's not necessary or fair to take innocent people's lives.
Although it took me a while to come around to this way of thinking, I do love myself. My love for myself has less to do with how I look and more to do with how I feel. Right now I have a really good life, a part of which I spend letting other people know just how special I think they are. The things I say to them aren't empty flattery because I feel there's no point in lying to people in that way. If I see something about you that I like or that I think is noteworthy, I'm going to tell you. Most of the time I get the response "You're so nice". Yes, I'm a nice person, but I'm not saying it to be nice. I am being completely and totally honest. If there's good in you (which there is in most of us) I will be able to see it. Some of you try to hide it underneath a gruff exterior, but I can see right through it :-).
For those of you that are having a hard time loving yourself, remember this. It's a cliche, but cliches exist because they're based in truth. Until you love yourself, it's not possible for you to truly love someone else. It's not possible to let another person see who you truly are unless you love yourself. My ex-boyfriend said that I never let him in. There's truth to that statement. Because I wasn't comfortable with myself, I wasn't comfortable letting him see all of me. That's just one of a myriad of reasons why things didn't work out between us.
A friend of mine has someone in her life that she cares about, but he treats her badly. He's selfish and rude. She did him a huge favor, and when I say huge, I mean life-altering. In return he can't even be bothered to treat her with decency. Her life would be exponentially better if she cut ties with him, but she won't. I asked her if she loved him more than she loves herself. Without hesitation she said "Yes". She believes that his life is worth so much more than hers. When are people going to understand that every human life is valuable? I have a major problem with these assholes that go around killing innocent people because they're pissed off about something or depressed. If you're messed up, don't be trying to take other people with you. Although I feel every human life is important, if someone wants to die, that's on them, not me. It's not necessary or fair to take innocent people's lives.
Although it took me a while to come around to this way of thinking, I do love myself. My love for myself has less to do with how I look and more to do with how I feel. Right now I have a really good life, a part of which I spend letting other people know just how special I think they are. The things I say to them aren't empty flattery because I feel there's no point in lying to people in that way. If I see something about you that I like or that I think is noteworthy, I'm going to tell you. Most of the time I get the response "You're so nice". Yes, I'm a nice person, but I'm not saying it to be nice. I am being completely and totally honest. If there's good in you (which there is in most of us) I will be able to see it. Some of you try to hide it underneath a gruff exterior, but I can see right through it :-).
For those of you that are having a hard time loving yourself, remember this. It's a cliche, but cliches exist because they're based in truth. Until you love yourself, it's not possible for you to truly love someone else. It's not possible to let another person see who you truly are unless you love yourself. My ex-boyfriend said that I never let him in. There's truth to that statement. Because I wasn't comfortable with myself, I wasn't comfortable letting him see all of me. That's just one of a myriad of reasons why things didn't work out between us.
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Strength to Carry On
Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know that on Wednesday I was having issues with the new printer here in my office. What is it about office equipment that can take us from zero to 60 in the anger department in no time at all? Well those of you that saw I was having printer issues didn't know there were other things that added to the stress of my day on Wednesday. First off, it was mine and my ex's five-year anniversary. He called me at work and was like "It's been nice knowing you for five years." To some that may sound kind of flippant and asshole-y, but that's standard behavior from him. I will say the conversation went downhill from there. Although I won't repeat what was said, suffice it to say he went from joker to jerk-off in the course of the conversation.
On Wednesday I was also supposed to begin the first of my copyediting classes so that I could finish up my certificate. That's also the night I usually have my Weight Watchers meeting, but since the meeting and the class conflicted, I planned to weigh in, then go to class. Mind you, class is three and a half hours long and began at 6pm. By the time class was over, the buses would've stopped running and I would've had to walk home from the subway station. On any other Wednesday I probably wouldn't have cared, but after having to battle the printer that Satan gave birth to and then having my ex act like a jerk-off on what would've been our fifth anniversary it was enough to do me in. I knew that if I went to class instead of going to my Weight Watchers meeting, there was the possibility that I would have the binge to end all binges once I got home from my copyediting class. I had already had a mini-binge the previous night because of my anxiety about the upcoming anniversary, as well as the upcoming classes.
Before me was a tough decision. If I went to class, I'd be working toward having my copyediting certificate by the end of November; but I'd also be risking sabotaging my weight-loss efforts. I once gained six pounds in one week and I hated that feeling. On the other hand, if I went to Weight Watchers and stayed for the meeting, I'd be sitting in a meeting knowing that I had gained weight this week and thinking about how I should be working on getting my certificate so that I can get closer to having an actual career. It didn't take me very long to make up my mind. I decided to withdraw from the classes and finish up my certificate in the spring. By that time I'll be back living in Boston and the logistics of getting home from class will be much easier. I won't be as vulnerable to potential weight-loss sabotage, and I also won't be living with the ex anymore.
When I was younger, I would've just gone to class and not gone to my Weight Watchers meeting because I would've been in such a hurry to get my copyediting certificate that I wouldn't have heeded the warnings that my head was trying to give me. By going to my meeting, I gave myself what I truly needed at that time. I needed the support of my Weight Watchers ladies in order to continue on my journey of using food as nourishment for my body instead of for my heart and soul.
On Wednesday I was also supposed to begin the first of my copyediting classes so that I could finish up my certificate. That's also the night I usually have my Weight Watchers meeting, but since the meeting and the class conflicted, I planned to weigh in, then go to class. Mind you, class is three and a half hours long and began at 6pm. By the time class was over, the buses would've stopped running and I would've had to walk home from the subway station. On any other Wednesday I probably wouldn't have cared, but after having to battle the printer that Satan gave birth to and then having my ex act like a jerk-off on what would've been our fifth anniversary it was enough to do me in. I knew that if I went to class instead of going to my Weight Watchers meeting, there was the possibility that I would have the binge to end all binges once I got home from my copyediting class. I had already had a mini-binge the previous night because of my anxiety about the upcoming anniversary, as well as the upcoming classes.
Before me was a tough decision. If I went to class, I'd be working toward having my copyediting certificate by the end of November; but I'd also be risking sabotaging my weight-loss efforts. I once gained six pounds in one week and I hated that feeling. On the other hand, if I went to Weight Watchers and stayed for the meeting, I'd be sitting in a meeting knowing that I had gained weight this week and thinking about how I should be working on getting my certificate so that I can get closer to having an actual career. It didn't take me very long to make up my mind. I decided to withdraw from the classes and finish up my certificate in the spring. By that time I'll be back living in Boston and the logistics of getting home from class will be much easier. I won't be as vulnerable to potential weight-loss sabotage, and I also won't be living with the ex anymore.
When I was younger, I would've just gone to class and not gone to my Weight Watchers meeting because I would've been in such a hurry to get my copyediting certificate that I wouldn't have heeded the warnings that my head was trying to give me. By going to my meeting, I gave myself what I truly needed at that time. I needed the support of my Weight Watchers ladies in order to continue on my journey of using food as nourishment for my body instead of for my heart and soul.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Trade Offs Associated with Life
We all have things that we'd like to accomplish by certain stages of our lives. We all have a vision in our heads of what we want our lives to be like, realistically speaking. If we've planned well or at least have a plan in mind, we know the steps we need to take to get there. It would make life so much easier if everything fell into place exactly like we envision it, but anyone who has lived for any length of time knows that life isn't easy. The old adage "Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it" tells us that what we want may not necessarily show up when we want it to.
For example, after years of dating the wrong people, you've just found the man/woman of your dreams. This person has everything you've ever wanted in a mate and there's not a dealbreaker in sight. The only drawback, he/she lives on the other side of the country and owns a business that can't be uprooted because of the type of service that it provides. You have lived near your parents your whole life and all of your friends live nearby. You really like your job and the people that you work with and you've established yourself in your field. What to do? Well, you could move across the country, leaving your friends; family; and job behind, try to establish yourself in your field of work at another company, and work on having a great life with this person. Or you could stay right where you are, continue to excel at your current job, have the security of friends and family around, and hope that you find someone else that may be perfect for you. Of course there's always the third option of the two of you meeting somewhere in the middle.
Regardless of the decision that you make, everything won't be exactly like you want it. To have some things you want, you're going to have to give up other things that you want it to be. The trick is deciding what it is that you want most and what it is that you're willing to live without. Very rarely (if ever) do the options in life come wrapped up in a neat little package tied up with a pretty bow.
For example, after years of dating the wrong people, you've just found the man/woman of your dreams. This person has everything you've ever wanted in a mate and there's not a dealbreaker in sight. The only drawback, he/she lives on the other side of the country and owns a business that can't be uprooted because of the type of service that it provides. You have lived near your parents your whole life and all of your friends live nearby. You really like your job and the people that you work with and you've established yourself in your field. What to do? Well, you could move across the country, leaving your friends; family; and job behind, try to establish yourself in your field of work at another company, and work on having a great life with this person. Or you could stay right where you are, continue to excel at your current job, have the security of friends and family around, and hope that you find someone else that may be perfect for you. Of course there's always the third option of the two of you meeting somewhere in the middle.
Regardless of the decision that you make, everything won't be exactly like you want it. To have some things you want, you're going to have to give up other things that you want it to be. The trick is deciding what it is that you want most and what it is that you're willing to live without. Very rarely (if ever) do the options in life come wrapped up in a neat little package tied up with a pretty bow.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Best Laid Plans
There are a couple of adages that come to my mind today that, I think, apply to many people's lives. Those are "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry" and "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". We've all been in a situation where we plan to do something, have it all laid out, and the result is nowhere near the one that we had hoped for. Why? Because we never accounted for the intangibles. In a perfect world, everything would go as planned. Since we don't live in a perfect world, we have to contend with those things that derail our plans. We can either walk away, or make adjustments. Personally, I'm someone who likes to make adjustments. Adaptability is a good trait to have. It will help you in many aspects of your life.
As for the road to hell being paved with good intentions, in your heart, you know what you are trying to accomplish. What problem could that possibly cause? Well, unless you express yourself and your intentions in a clear manner that can be understood by all, your actions can be misconstrued. The hell part comes in when you try to backtrack and explain yourself after the misunderstanding has occurred. At the root of this is communication. We've been conditioned to hold in how we really feel about the things that other people do if what they're doing rubs us the wrong way. Wouldn't want to upset the apple cart! Unfortunately, we can't hold it in forever and there's always something that manifests itself as the last straw. Once the dam has been broken, the feelings come spewing out, unfiltered and oftentimes in a very hurtful way. When that happens, it causes more of a problem than the other party may have originally believed existed. Tact and diplomacy are two things that are essential in effective communication. They eliminate unnecessarily hurt feelings and help an issue to be resolved in an expedient manner.
If you have a problem with someone or something that they've done, let them know as soon as you possibly can. Don't let it fester until it boils over. Of course emotions will be running high, but try to keep them in check and discuss the problem in a calm and rational way. Taking jabs at the other person may make you feel better in the moment, but it will continue to escalate the situation, when it should be moving in the other direction. I'm a very sensitive person who cares deeply about other people, which causes me to be hurt more than most. I used to wonder how anyone could do or say the things that others have to hurt me, but then I realized that not everyone is like me. Maybe I didn't communicate my wants or needs clearly and effectively. If I did, then I know that nothing I do or say is going to change the situation, so I just move on. Learn from the experience; put it behind you; and you'll be ready if it happens again.
As for the road to hell being paved with good intentions, in your heart, you know what you are trying to accomplish. What problem could that possibly cause? Well, unless you express yourself and your intentions in a clear manner that can be understood by all, your actions can be misconstrued. The hell part comes in when you try to backtrack and explain yourself after the misunderstanding has occurred. At the root of this is communication. We've been conditioned to hold in how we really feel about the things that other people do if what they're doing rubs us the wrong way. Wouldn't want to upset the apple cart! Unfortunately, we can't hold it in forever and there's always something that manifests itself as the last straw. Once the dam has been broken, the feelings come spewing out, unfiltered and oftentimes in a very hurtful way. When that happens, it causes more of a problem than the other party may have originally believed existed. Tact and diplomacy are two things that are essential in effective communication. They eliminate unnecessarily hurt feelings and help an issue to be resolved in an expedient manner.
If you have a problem with someone or something that they've done, let them know as soon as you possibly can. Don't let it fester until it boils over. Of course emotions will be running high, but try to keep them in check and discuss the problem in a calm and rational way. Taking jabs at the other person may make you feel better in the moment, but it will continue to escalate the situation, when it should be moving in the other direction. I'm a very sensitive person who cares deeply about other people, which causes me to be hurt more than most. I used to wonder how anyone could do or say the things that others have to hurt me, but then I realized that not everyone is like me. Maybe I didn't communicate my wants or needs clearly and effectively. If I did, then I know that nothing I do or say is going to change the situation, so I just move on. Learn from the experience; put it behind you; and you'll be ready if it happens again.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Only You Know When Something's Right for You
I have a friend that wants to lose weight and has been inspired by my success with Weight Watchers. She's done Weight Watchers before, so she knows it works. Although I've inspired her, I don't think it's enough to get her on the right track yet. In each of our lives there comes a time when we know that we must make a change. Sometimes it takes a while before we act on that knowledge, but we know what needs to be done. As I said before, I knew that I needed to lose weight, but my attempts at doing so were half-assed. We all have an epiphany or "Ah-ha" moment when we realize that the time is now. With weight-loss, it's usually what I refer to as the "pants size epiphany", where you realize that you have to go up another pants size and it's a size you never wanted to be. A lot of people talk about it in my Weight Watchers meetings. I had it when I was wearing a size 16 again for the second time in 33 years. It wasn't healthy and I didn't feel good physically or mentally. I have a history of depression and being overweight didn't help. Now that I'm a little over 30lbs. lighter, I feel much better health-wise and about myself. I keep wondering why it took me so long to get my butt in gear, but then I realize that I wasn't really ready yet. If you have a goal you want to achieve, whether it be weight-loss or continuing your education, when you're ready, you'll take the necessary steps to make it happen. Until then, try not to be too hard on yourself :-).
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