It's Official

Last night was my last yoga teacher training class. I'm officially a registered yoga teacher. I can't believe I made it. Prior to the beginning of the program I wasn't even going to do the training. A deposit of $600 was required at registration which was in December of last year. I knew I wouldn't have that money by the deadline so I thought I'd wait until I saved the money before I did the training. Thought maybe I'd catch it next year. I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to do the training but didn't have the money. She told me to email the yoga studio owner (who would be doing the training) and let her know that I was interested. I knew that I'd have that $600 by the beginning of the training, but not before. I contacted Krista (the studio owner) and let her know my situation. She said that I could give her a check for $600 to hold my spot in the program, but that she wouldn't cash it until January.

By the time the yoga teacher training program started, I had all of my money and I was ready to roll. The rest of the money for the program was paid in installments. Every month I gave Krista a check. How I managed to carve out that payment every month from my finances is truly beyond me. Before teacher training I never would've thought I could've handled another monthly expense, but the universe provided for me. Along the way I've changed physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've made some wonderful friends, and I've acquired a skill that I can use to help people for the rest of my life.

I will be forever grateful to my friend who convinced me to go for it. I just knew there was no way I'd ever have the money to do it, but she gave me the best piece of advice ever. She said "Just jump. The money will be there when you need it." She was right. My faith in what's meant to be has always been strong, but the money aspect of things sometimes shakes my faith a bit. In my heart I've always known that I'm going to make it, but this phase in my life has taught me about what's really important. First and foremost we need to take care of ourselves. Also, we aren't what we wear or what we own. Stripping away all of the extraneous shit that we impose on ourselves will bring us closer to the divine, which resides in each and every one of us.

Been Away Far Too Long

Hi, everyone. Did you miss me? I know it's been a long time since we last saw each other and there's definitely still more of my life story to tell. I've been very busy with my yoga teacher training and in three weeks I'll be all done. There's a big push to get some practice teaching done, so I've been trying to line up some private sessions with friends and colleagues. I also plan to set up another blog that will be centered around yoga. This journey is just beginning for me and I am looking forward to sharing with you all of the things that I learn along the way.

Yoga Teacher Training

As many of you know, I'm in the process of training to become a yoga teacher. As a part of that training I attend a class every Tuesday night, for three hours, where I learn to break down the poses and teach them to people. I also learn aspects of the philosophy of yoga. The truths of yoga philosophy are deep, yet simple. A lot of people assume that if you're a yoga practitioner, you must be Buddhist or Hindu. Yoga isn't affiliated with any particular religion but encompasses the basic tenets of all religions. I have no real religious leanings. My parents are Southern Baptists, but I never had any interest in tethering myself to a specific religion. I do believe that there is a higher being or a higher state of being. I refer to it as God because that's the easiest thing to do. Yoga philosophy describes God as the divine, whether that be a holy spirit, a figurehead, or the sense of the divine that we all carry within ourselves. Joy, compassion, perseverance, and gratitude are all encouraged in the yogic philosophy. There is no one path to the divine. There are many divergent paths, and it's up to you to choose the one that works for you. In that observation, I see a message of tolerance. We all come from very different places, but for the most part we want the same things.

To make up for the lack of excitement in my last blog post, I'll leave you with a picture from my yoga teacher training class. In the picture I'm in downward dog, and my classmate Elizabeth is giving me an assist to push my hips further up and back.

It's Good to See You Again, Michelle

In an earlier post I wrote about the fact that I no longer have a a desire to have straight hair. For most of my adult life I've worn it long and straight. I thank God that I never got it chemically straightened. Actually, that's more than likely the reason why I have such long thick hair now.

On Saturday I went to get it done, and when my hairstylist asked what I wanted her to do, I wasn't quite sure. She had a magazine at her station and showed me a picture of a woman with her hair in an intricate braided style. I told her I really liked it. Instead of braids she did double-strand twists. The end result was this:

For those of you who may be wondering, yes, that's all my own hair ;-). Told ya it was thick! With this hairstyle, I feel liberated. Part of yoga is finding one's true self, and I think that it has helped me to get closer to my true self by helping me to realize that wearing my hair in its natural state has now become a part of my identity. In pictures from two or three years ago when I had straight hair, it looks great, and I look happy. When I think about it, I realize that I still look the same as I did back then. The thing that has changed is my perception of how I look. I am seriously going through a process of awakening.

My How I've Changed

Those of you who read about the debacle with my hairdresser know that I took my braids out and had my hair straightened for the first time in about nine months or so. The first day after I had it done I was like "Oh this is really nice. It looks very pretty." Day two rolled around and I was like "Okay, this isn't as straight as it was yesterday." By the time day three rolled around I was like "Ugh! This sucks! I'm not used to feeling hair on the back of my neck!" Initially I thought my issue was with the fact that my hair is long, therefore I decided that I needed to get it cut. After spending some time online looking at short haircuts, I realized that I no longer like the way my hair looks when it's straight. I feel like straight hair is very much a part of my past and the way that my life used to be. It reminds me of being with my ex and how I let myself be subjugated by that relationship. Also, ever since I took my braids out, it seems that things have been going wrong. I keep getting a later start than I would like to when leaving to go places. There was an incident here at work that was reminiscent of something that would've happened in the past when I was with my ex and cloaked in the apathy that surrounded him. I'm not a superstitious person, but I do believe that everyone and everything possesses a certain type of energy. I now feel a lot of negative energy associated with my hair being straight. Luckily I'll be going to get that taken care of on Saturday afternoon. Yes, with the same person who straightened it, but once it's done I already have someone else in the pipeline that I plan to check out.

I think a lot of what I'm realizing right now has to do with my going through the process of yoga teacher training. Yogic philosophy teaches you to detach from the things that aren't important or that don't serve to make your life peaceful. My straight hair is actually causing me stress and anxiety. I don't like the way it looks and I end up pulling it back into a ponytail, which is a waste of the $60 I paid to have it straightened. I've become very conscious of what's a necessity in my life. Straight hair is definitely not a necessity for me anymore.

Protect Your Peace

As many of you know, I'm currently in training to become a yoga teacher. Every Tuesday night I go to a three-hour class where we discuss and practice poses, as well as discussing the philosophy of yoga. The philosophy is set out in what is known as the yoga sutras. One of the sutras last night included the words "protect your peace", meaning to protect your inner peace and well-being. We often let other people disturb the peacefulness that we are sometimes able to find within ourselves. For example, you're outside enjoying a gorgeous, sunny day. As you start to cross the street (at the crosswalk), a driver comes speeding by and doesn't even slow down. You jump back so as not to get run over, and your right arm automatically flies up and your middle finger makes an apprearance. That careless driver just disturbed your peace. The beauty of the day is now lost on you because of the anger you feel at someone you don't even know. You just gave that stranger a lot of power.

Another way that your peace can be disturbed is by fostering an imbalance in your relationships. You know there are things you need to do for yourself in order to maintain your own well-being, but whenever you try to do those things, your friend or mate approaches you with a request. Because selflessness may be a part of your nature, you defer your own needs in order to meet the needs of others. By doing that, you're letting your friends and loved ones disturb your peace. What's the point of you making all of those people happy or satisfying their needs when your own needs go unmet? If your needs continue to go unmet, resentment starts to build in your heart. From that resentment arises anger, apathy, depression, and a whole host of other negative emotions. This becomes the perfect set-up for the severing of ties with the ones that you care about. At the time it will make perfect sense for you to walk away from them, but when you look back on it later, you'll wonder how you let it get to that point. Protect your peace so that you can live a happy and fulfilling life. When you feel that peace being disturbed, quiet that disturbance with the knowledge that you have the power to bring yourself right back to that place of peace and that only you can determine whether or not someone else will disturb it.

Wonderful Weigh-in

Since today is Thanksgiving Day Weight Watchers was closed. To make sure that I was in fine form for Turkey Day, I weighed in yesterday. I'm happy to report that I was down 2lbs.Yeah, baby! To top it off, last night was my first Wednesday night doing workstudy at the yoga studio that I go to. In exchange for free unlimited classes I come in on Wednesdays to help out in the studio. Wednesday is when the community class is offered for the discounted price of $7.00. It's usually a full house and afterwards whoever was there checking in people needs to straighten up and clean the studio. Although the community class ends at 8:30 in the evening, sometimes the person working wouldn't get out of there until 10:00 because of all the cleaning that needs to be done. I very much appreciate the opportunity. I eventually want to do the yoga teacher training program there, and the unlimited classes give me the chance to advance my practice.

I'd like to close this post by thanking everyone who stops by to read my blog. I'm grateful for all of you. At this time last year things weren't particularly great, but the love and support of friends and family helped me make it through to the other side. Happy Thanksgiving, me lovelies. Be well and treat each other well.

Getting Back into a Groove

Since I changed my weigh-in day to Thursday I feel a lot better about making it to my goal. For the first 11 months of my weight-loss journey I weighed in on Thursday. Then the Thursday meeting was cancelled and I moved to Wednesday. I actually weighed in on Wednesday for about a year and a half. That's much longer than I weighed in on Thursday, but for some reason Thursday just feels right. I'm now much happier devoting my Wednesday evenings to the community yoga class. I get a good workout and I feel fabulous afterward. Hopefully there will continue to be a Thursday evening meeting so that I can keep this groove going.

Moment of Truth Day

So today's the day. It has rolled around once again. This time I won't tell you what my scale at home said because it's a very unreliable SOB ;-). Instead I'll tell you what my gut (pun intended) is telling me. It's not feeling particularly trim today. I actually woke up this morning feeling a little bloated. I know, TMI, but I'm being real here. Unless that sensation disappears by around 5:00 today, it could totally affect my weigh-in. Regardless, it hasn't been a good plan week so I wouldn't be surprised if I gained a little.

On a more positive note. I went to the community yoga class last night. Yesterday while I was working I wasn't sure if I was going to go. I was really tired, had a bit of a headache, and didn't feel so great overall. Right after work I needed to stop by the grocery store for a few things, so by the time I got home it wasn't very long before it would've been time for me to leave for yoga class. After I put away my groceries I went and changed into my clothes for yoga. That helped keep the momentum going so that I could propel myself out the door for class. By the time I was on my way, I was glad I had decided to go. The fact that I have to walk to class is probably one of the demotivating factors. It's good exercise and better than waiting for the bus, which is rarely on schedule, but it's an hour roundtrip. Afterward I told my mom that I'm always fine once I get there, it's just getting there that's the problem ;-).

Weigh-in Wednesday

It's that time again. Last week I didn't record my weigh-in via my blog because I figured I'd give you guys a break ;-). Just to update you, I was down 0.6. According to the scale at my house my weight stayed the same over the past week, but as usual, we'll see when I get to the meeting. Today I'm going to duck out of my meeting early and go to the community yoga class that the yoga studio I go to offers. The class is only $7 and I really need to return to my practice. I may start going to Weight Watchers on Thursdays so that I can go to the community yoga class and get the full benefit of a complete meeting.

Finding My Way Back to the Mat

Last night I went to yoga class for the first time in months. I've been telling myself week after week that I'll go, but when push came to shove, I would punk out and find some excuse for not going. Yesterday I realized that I finally needed to cut the bullshit and just do it. I've been feeling uncentered and I know that when I practiced yoga regularly I felt much more relaxed and open. To say that the instructor was glad to see me is an understatement. Her first words were "Is it really you?!" Followed by "Can I pinch you?!" Yeah, I've been gone for that long, hahaha!!!!

Anyway, as soon as we got started my body just automatically popped right back into place. I couldn't hold plank for as long as I would've liked, and downward facing dog was killing my triceps, but all in all I did very well. That same instructor teaches a class on Saturdays, too, so hopefully I can get off my duff and go practice with her this weekend :-).