Consumed by Anger and Bitterness

Have you ever noticed how many people around you look truly miserable? I jog around a lake near my apartment, and one day when I was walking back home, I saw one of my friends that lives nearby. She told me that there's a wooded trail where she likes to walk because she doesn't like the lake. When I asked her why, she said that the people at the lake were mean. There are lots of people that walk, jog, and bike around the lake. For me it's a relaxing experience that can sometimes help me clear my head. I would think that others would feel the same way, but most of the people I see during the time that I'm walking or jogging look pretty grim. You can almost feel the bitterness emanating from them.

I know that life is damn hard and that it can thrown many a curveball, but it would be easier to deal with those curveballs if one could just let go of the anger and the bitterness. Got a co-worker that you absolutely can't stand? Associate with them as little as possible. If you have to work with them on a project, try your best to maintain a professional demeanor. Got a friend who's either a user or a liar? Once again, limit your time with them. Also, branch out to find new friends and new activities. Have a child, old or young, that continually makes mistakes or gets into trouble? With the older kids, you may have to wash your hands of the situation and let them try to make it on their own. Take comfort in the fact that you raised them the best that you could and that everything works out the way it's supposed to. As for younger kids, you still have a chance to try to steer them in the right direction. If what you're doing isn't working, then try a new approach. Also, remember that mistakes are also learning experiences.

Those are just a few examples of the things in life that can make us feel miserable. If you are dealing with something that's not on this list, just remember that only you can make you happy. You know what it is that you want and need. Lots of times fear holds us back from reaching toward our goals. Rarely do things ever fall into place the first time out of the box, so don't be discouraged. It may take one more attempt or it make take 100 more attempts. No matter how long it takes, persistence does pay off.

When Your World Stops Turning

Last night I found out some very sad news. Someone that I grew up with in Georgia, that I had known since I was 5-years old passed away. I'll be 34 in 22 days. This is not supposed to be happening. There are so many people in this world that are positively evil and they get to live nice, long lives. Granted, some of them are in prison, but still they've lived to see another day. My friend, who was genuinely a good person will never wake up in her own bed again, wondering what the day has to offer. She'll never get to eat her favorite foods and watch her favorite TV shows. I know that there's supposed to be another existence far superior to the one that we lead here on Earth, but damnit, she had a lot more living to do! She was the only person that I've been in contact with during recent years that saw me in all of the stages of my early development. Elementary, middle, and high school we knew each other. We hung out. We talked. We did things together. Up until about 5 years ago, I hadn't seen her since we graduated from high school, but then a mutual friend brought us together again. I knew she was sick, but I had no idea how bad it had gotten. She's the 5th person from my high school graduating class that has passed away (at least as far as I know), and I've only been out of high school for 15 years. Something like this makes me face my own mortality, but it also makes me wonder who chooses which people live to see another day and which end up dying young. What is it based on? I know some people who should've been dead long ago, but they're still here causing misery and heartache. It seems that many who could do a lot of good in this world leave it too soon. This is something that I know I'll never understand, but it won't stop me from wondering. Those of you who are religious will say that this is the way that things were meant to be. Although I'm not particularly religious, I am spiritual, and I know that things have their own reasons for happening. That still doesn't change the fact that I'm sad that Amy is gone. She went through some tough times and I'm glad she doesn't have to deal with them anymore, but I can't help questioning it all as my world stops turning for a brief moment in contemplation of what was and what will never be. Rest in Peace, Amy. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

Brush with Camelot

As I write this, Senator Edward Kennedy's motorcade is passing near my office building in Boston. There are lots of people that have lots of strong opinions about him and his past. He did a lot of good for this country, but his legacy will be forever marred by one event that took place in his life. I won't dwell on that because it doesn't have anything to do with me. I will talk about one specific memory I have of him. In 2002 he was endorsing the Massachusetts Democratic gubernatorial candidate, Shannon O'Brien. As part of that endorsement, he stood outside the entrance/exit of the Park Street Green Line subway station in Boston greeting people and encouraging them to "Vote for Shannon". I took the Green Line to work every day and got off at Park Street on the morning that Senator Kennedy was out there. As I came out the doors, I saw him standing there. He looked me right in the eye, held out his hand to shake mine and said "Vote for Shannon". It was a very surreal moment. There I was, a small town girl from rural Georgia and I had just shaken the hand of a man that was a member of one of the most politically influential families of the 20th century. Six degrees of separation and all that. Small world, huh? And it's getting smaller every day. Regardless of what his faults may have been, he is no longer with us and there are people that are saddened by that. His judgement will not be in our hands. As always, a higher power is at work and things will be as they should be.

They Grow up so Fast (Or at Least They Try To)

Some of you who have read my blog before know that I have an 11-year old niece. She just started middle school, and as I'm sure we all remember, this is the time when we struggle with being not quite a child, but not quite a teenager either. One of the rites of passage for girls is wearing makeup. My niece's two closest friends wear makeup. Of course they don't leave the house with it on, but they do wear it at school. My niece lives with my parents, so any time she wants or needs something, she has to ask them. A couple of weeks ago she asked my mom if she could start wearing makeup. She wanted eyeshadow, mascara, and lip gloss. Like any good mother should, my mom said no. Ever since then, my niece has been trying to weasel her way into wearing makeup. A couple of nights ago she and my parents went to Target, and she asked if she could have some mascara. Once again, my mom said no. This was my niece's response "Well, Aunt Shelly (me) wears mascara." My mom comes back with "How old is Aunt Shelly?" "33", says my little girly. My mom's final words on the subject, "Do the math and then tell me who can wear mascara."

Although the story has its cute moments, it's a serious subject. Girls are trying at younger and younger ages to look older. I didn't start wearing makeup until I was 13, which, upon reflection, was still way too early. My mom has never really worn makeup so she wasn't sure what an appropriate age would be. It blows my mind to see little girls all tarted up in heavy makeup and and wearing short, tight clothes. They're exhibiting sexuality that they aren't equipped to deal with yet. I'm not going to make a broad generalization and say that all men are dogs, but quite a few are and they're just waiting to prey on young girls who are trying to assert their independence by making a foray into womanhood. These girls are too immature and too naive to realize that those men will tell them anything they want to hear to get what they want.

I know that times change and that we need to change with the times, but it never has been and never will be okay for a young girl to parade around looking like a prostitute or a stripper. There's nothing wrong with a young girl wanting to look good, but she needs to be taught the difference between looking good and looking trashy. As the past 20 years have gone by, I've worn less and less makeup. Most people don't even know that I wear makeup because I use it only as a subtle enhancement, which is what it's meant for. I'm sure that my niece will find another way to broach the subject of makeup with my mom, because kids are persistent, but I know that my mom will stand firm.

The Best Laid Plans

There are a couple of adages that come to my mind today that, I think, apply to many people's lives. Those are "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry" and "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". We've all been in a situation where we plan to do something, have it all laid out, and the result is nowhere near the one that we had hoped for. Why? Because we never accounted for the intangibles. In a perfect world, everything would go as planned. Since we don't live in a perfect world, we have to contend with those things that derail our plans. We can either walk away, or make adjustments. Personally, I'm someone who likes to make adjustments. Adaptability is a good trait to have. It will help you in many aspects of your life.

As for the road to hell being paved with good intentions, in your heart, you know what you are trying to accomplish. What problem could that possibly cause? Well, unless you express yourself and your intentions in a clear manner that can be understood by all, your actions can be misconstrued. The hell part comes in when you try to backtrack and explain yourself after the misunderstanding has occurred. At the root of this is communication. We've been conditioned to hold in how we really feel about the things that other people do if what they're doing rubs us the wrong way. Wouldn't want to upset the apple cart! Unfortunately, we can't hold it in forever and there's always something that manifests itself as the last straw. Once the dam has been broken, the feelings come spewing out, unfiltered and oftentimes in a very hurtful way. When that happens, it causes more of a problem than the other party may have originally believed existed. Tact and diplomacy are two things that are essential in effective communication. They eliminate unnecessarily hurt feelings and help an issue to be resolved in an expedient manner.

If you have a problem with someone or something that they've done, let them know as soon as you possibly can. Don't let it fester until it boils over. Of course emotions will be running high, but try to keep them in check and discuss the problem in a calm and rational way. Taking jabs at the other person may make you feel better in the moment, but it will continue to escalate the situation, when it should be moving in the other direction. I'm a very sensitive person who cares deeply about other people, which causes me to be hurt more than most. I used to wonder how anyone could do or say the things that others have to hurt me, but then I realized that not everyone is like me. Maybe I didn't communicate my wants or needs clearly and effectively. If I did, then I know that nothing I do or say is going to change the situation, so I just move on. Learn from the experience; put it behind you; and you'll be ready if it happens again.

Two Causes Near and Dear to My Heart

Although I don't have much money, I still like to donate to worthy causes when I can spare a few dollars. There are 2 in particular that I have an affinity for. Those are The Least I Can Do and GA Funny Farm. I've blogged about both of them before, but I wanted to bring them to the forefront again. The Least I Can Do is a concept developed by Gavin DeGraw fans to pay tribute to him by raising money for a charity that he supports. It's a yearly endeavor and we pick a different charity every year. This year's charity is the Wounded Warrior Project. Go to http://www.theleasticando.net to find out more.

The GA Funny Farm is an animal sanctuary whose primary focus is rescue cats. They currently have 59 and are trying to raise money to fence in a large portion of their property so that the kitties can roam free without fear for their safety. Learn more at http://www.gafunnyfarm.org. They are almost halfway to their fundraising goal and every little bit helps. If a large group of us band together and give whatever we can, no matter how small, we can make a big difference.

How I See Myself vs. How Others See Me

From the title you might gather that I'm going to write something deep and philosphical about mental self-preception, but this time I'm going to keep it on the surface and talk about physical self-perception. As some of you may know, I've been doing Weight Watchers since January. To date, I've lost 46lbs. and am the healthiest that I've been in about 5 years. Although 46lbs. is a lot of weight, I weighed over 200lbs. when I started Weight Watchers, so I'm actually starting to get into a more healthy weight range. According to BMI calculations (which I find to be arbitrary), I'm still overweight, but when I measure the ratio between my height and waist size, I'm considered to be at a healthy weight. It's interesting to see the reactions of people that haven't seen me since before I started Weight Watchers. I've dropped 2 sizes and will probably drop one more before I get to my goal. I know that I am by no means skinny, but compared to how I used to look, other people think I'm really small. The phrase one person used is "skin and bones", which I'm not, not by any stretch of the imagination. When people are used to seeing you a certain way, it can sometimes make them a bit uncomfortable to see that you've made a big change. My Weight Watchers leader said that sometimes it makes people think of the changes that they need to make that they might not be ready for. As humans, we tend to project our own feelings and fears onto other people. This causes those other people to question what they're doing and whether it's right. This isn't the first time that someone has told me that I'm getting too skinny, which is ridiculous. I still have plenty of padding covering me, there's just less than there used to be. When I get to my goal, I'll post "Before" and "After" pictures. Until then, I'll continue to take it day by day as I work to give myself a better quality of life.