I Don't Drink

Here we are three days into the new year and I'm sure there are some of you who are still recovering from the revelry of your holiday celebrations. No matter how people all over the world choose to celebrate, there's a common thread that weaves through them all. That common thread is alcohol. I personally don't consume alcohol for two very important reasons: the first being that I don't particularly like the taste, and the second and most important being that there's a history of alcoholism in my family that has produced devastating results. There's also a somewhat peripheral reason, which is because the medications I take don't mix well with alcohol.

Sometimes the smell of alcohol makes me sick and I know that goes back to my childhood. My father's parents were both alcoholics. There are some people, who when they get drunk love everybody. There are others who hate everybody. My paternal grandmother fell into the second category. I'm not sure if my paternal grandfather was a mean drunk or if my grandmother pushed him until he was mean to her. In a nutshell, he beat her. Not only did he do so with his hands, he also did so with belts, rubber hoses, anything he could get his hands on. This is what my father had to deal with throughout his childhood. His father only ever beat his mother. Never him, his brothers, or his sister. Prior to my parents getting married, my mother had no idea that this type of thing happened in that household, but she found out soon enough. Once she and my father were married, they lived with his parents. The first time she experienced them fighting like cats and dogs, it nearly scared her to death. She came from a household where her father never would've even considered laying a finger on her mother although my maternal grandmother could be a real pain.

After two years of living with them, my parents got their own place. Not too long after that, tragedy struck. My grandmother was on the phone with my aunt (my dad's sister) when my grandfather walked into the bedroom where she was talking on the phone, and they started to argue. I'm not quite clear on exactly how everything transpired, but the argument escalated and ended with her shooting him. Not only did she shoot him, she killed him. Because of the history of domestic violence, she didn't do any time.

This all happened before I was born, so I wasn't aware of it until later on in my life. The one thing I was aware of is that my grandmother was a woman who was constantly giving mixed messages. When she was drunk, she didn't want us anywhere near her. I remember one Easter when I was around four or five, we had gone to her house for an Easter egg hunt. We weren't there very long before she started to get angry. Of course she had been drinking and apropos of nothing I suddenly heard her say to my parents "Get those damn kids out of my house!" That is burned into my memory. No matter what she said or did after that, that day is what colors my memories and perception of her. When she was sober she was always like "Come give me a hug. I love you." How does a child reconcile an angry drunk with the person that's hugging them tight and saying "I love you"? As I got older, I refused to go to her house during holidays because I refused to take the verbal abuse. Now that I'm an adult I can see that she had a serious problem. Because she never saw it as a problem and therefore wasn't willing to get help for it, it always cast a dark cloud over her relationships with people.

As someone who is clinically depressed, it would be very easy for me to self-medicate with alcohol instead of taking my antidepressant. The family history of alcoholism (which is also on my mom's side of the family) would be the perfect excuse for me to live it up and get drunk every night. That being said, I don't condemn people that choose to drink; whether socially or otherwise. One thing I do know is that I would never allow myself to knowingly get involved romantically with someone who has more than a social relationship with alcohol. It would be too painful. Alcohol can destroy relationships in very subtle ways.

A New Year, Full of Hope

Today is the first day of 2012. For anyone who wasn't satisfied with how 2011 turned out, it's a chance to wipe the slate clean. For those who like what they did or accomplished in 2011, it's a chance to keep the momentum going. No matter how your previous year was, this new one is filled with hope and promise. The possibilities are endless. Embrace this year and make the most of it. Happy New Year, everyone!

The Love of Family

Yesterday I returned from visiting my family in Georgia for the Christmas holiday. Those of you who follow me on Facebook know that I had a wonderful time. It was actually one of the best times I've had with my family in a very long time. It was very low stress. There were no blow-ups or arguments with anyone. All in all it was very pleasant. There was lots of loving energy in my parents' home. That hasn't always been the case, but there's no need to dwell on it. The most important thing is that we all came together at a time when families are meant to be together and we shared the holiday.

On Tuesday I begin my yoga teacher training. I think my commitment to yoga has shifted my perception and my perspective in the best possible way. It's given me more of an ability to look at the big picture. Don't get me wrong. I've always been a "big picture" kind of person, but I don't think I truly understood how to recognize what was significant and what was insignificant with regard to my big picture. While I was at my parents' house I mentioned something about being poor, and my dad stopped me. He said, "As long as you have a job, a place to live, and food to eat you're not poor." In the past, my dad would've agreed with me and maybe even said that he was poor, too. But when I look at my big picture, I know that my dad is right. I have a good job, and I'm in the process of training for another one. That good job pays decent money, which allows me to provide a roof over my head and food in my stomach. The most important thing of all is that I have a family who loves me and are willing to help me in any way they can. Me, poor? Nah. Just because I'm not rich monetarily doesn't mean that I'm not rich in the way that truly counts.

This is an old picture, but I still like it :-).

The Ring's Not the Thing

As the holiday season is coming to a close, I know there are a lot of disappointed women out there who were expecting an engagement ring as a Christmas gift. When my ex and I were together any time Valentine's Day, my birthday, or Christmas rolled around there was a woman in my office who would always ask me if I got a ring. She was like "What did Bryan get you? Did you get a diamond?" First of all I don't like diamonds. Second of all getting a ring on one of those three days is such a cliche.

It's amazing that the female mentality has evolved greatly in every aspect except this one. Women have high-powered jobs, buy their own homes, and adopt or have babies on their own. When it comes to a committed relationship with a man, many females revert right back to that 1950s mentality of waiting (im)patiently for that ring. Songs like Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) reinforce that mentality. The diamond industry is constantly touting the fact that a man should spend three months' salary on an engagement right. Say what?

When a man does come up with the ring, it's gotta be the right ring. If it's too small, then she gets all upset. My ex told me that he was once willing to buy a ring for a girl, but it was going to be a small one. He asked her if she'd be willing to accept that ring until he was able to buy her a bigger one, but she said no. Since when is the ring more important that the relationship? Ladies, get your priorities straight. Don't lose the man you love just because your diamond isn't big enough. This isn't some effin' Hollywood movie. This is real life.

Instant Gratification Generation

Last week my younger brother and I were talking about love and marriage. He's currently waiting for his divorce to be finalized, and has already started another relationship with someone else he feels he would like to marry. Personally I think that he should take the time to get himself centered and grounded before he decides to jump headlong into another committed relationship. During our conversation I told him that I'm not sure if marriage works for our generation. We are the first of the instant gratification generations. We live in very much of a throw-away society. If it's not working for us, we get rid of it and get another one. Although you should never treat people like that, we do. Of course I mean "we" in the metaphorical sense. I, personally, am someone who will stay until the bitter end as long as I have someone to hang in there with me.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' 72 day marriage is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. They knew each other for all of two seconds and then decided to make the biggest commitment that two people can make to each other. "I barely know anything about you, yet I'll pledge to spend the rest of my life with you until death do us part. Or at least until we have our first major disagreement." My parents have been married for 44 years and I think there are very few couples from my generation that will be able to say the same years from now. I've said it before and I'll say it again, people don't take marriage vows seriously anymore. They're just the words that people have to say in order to get married. They've lost their meaning. Most people think I'm anti-marriage because I don't rhapsodize about getting married someday. I'm not anti-marriage. I'm anti-bullshit. There's a huge difference.

My younger brother is someone that jumps into a situation with both feet, and sees the situation as being colored with sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. When the clouds, rain, and unicorn shit show up he always tries to find an excuse to bolt. We live a life of duality, and must take the good with the bad because without the bad the good would be nowhere near as good. How boring would it be if things were good all the time? I'm not saying that there should always be tragic or dramatic circumstances in your life, but a little adversity shows us what we're truly made of.

Lying Bastard Strikes Again!

Last week I was contemplating calling my scale something else besides lying bastard because of its two weeks of accuracy with regard to my weigh-in, but apparently it likes the name because it was off by a whole two pounds this week. Luckily that only meant that I was up 0.2. I can just imagine him laughing to himself as he gives me the false hope of a big loss. He will indeed be getting a name change, but not in his favor. From now on he will be known as my lying ass bastard scale. Next week I'll be leaving to visit my mom, who has the sweetest scale ever. That girl is always right on the money when it comes to my weight :-).

Thrifty Gifty Thursday

Since Christmas is a week from Sunday, this is my last Thrifty Gifty Thursday post for 2011. I think it would be helpful to do Thrifty Gifty Thursday posts for every holiday, so I'll start again at the end of January so you can have some gift ideas for Valentine's Day :-). Today I'd like to focus on websites with a charitable slant. The first one I'd like to talk about is the Great Good Network: http://www.greatergoodnetwork.com/. It links you to different advocacy sites for different causes such as breast cancer, animal rescue, literacy, and hunger. A portion of the proceeds from the products that are sold on these sites benefit the causes that they advocate.


Another great organization is the Nothing but Nets program: http://www.nothingbutnets.net/. For a donation of $10 you can provide a family in Africa and other malaria-stricken areas with a bed net to protect them from mosquitoes. My boy Gavin DeGraw is an ambassador and has travelled to Africa to personally deliver bed nets. For those who don't want a physical Christmas gift, a donation in their name is the perfect gift.


I hope I've given you some good ideas over the past few weeks. Wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season!