Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow will be a time for us here in the United States to give thanks while spending time with our friends and family, feasting on good food. Those of you who follow my blog know that the past 4 months or so have been a bit rough for me. While making my way out of the darkness that was created by those rough times, I feel that I've had a spiritual awakening. Things aren't as good as they could be, but they're a whole helluva lot better than they would be had I continued on the same path. This spiritual awakening that I speak of has filled my heart to bursting with love, joy, and compassion for those around me. We're all in this life together, so why not leave good feelings and good vibes wherever we go? There are some people who are so far down that they think they'll never get back up again, but they're wrong. No matter how far down you get, with a bit of encouragement you can always pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. You really don't wanna know how many times I've had to do just that. If I told you, you'd wonder how I got out of bed in the morning. (Guess what? Some days I didn't.) If your life has taken a downturn, know that it won't last forever. Think of it in terms of the law of averages. Everything always averages out to be 50/50. Flip a coin 100 times, and the law of averages dictates that 50 times it'll come up heads and 50 times it'll come up tails. That may not truly be exact, but that just tells you that things will never go one way all the time. Life has its peaks and valleys, so if you're down in the valley, it's only a matter of time before you climb to the top of the peak. Be thankful that you get to experience those peaks and valleys. They shape who you are as a person, and let you know how strong you are. If you don't try to get to that next peak, what are you doing with your life? Nothing, but sitting around, waiting to die.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I Thought I Would Miss You More

We spent five years of our lives together. There were ups and downs. There were good times and bad. The day that you chose to end it, I was shocked. I know that what we had wasn't perfect, but I believed in us. Even after it was "offically" over, we were able to maintain a bond. Little did I know that this bond would make you think you had the right to dictate to me how I should live my life. When I finally stepped out of the neat little box that you had put me in, you went berserk. "How could you...?" "What gives you the right to...?" "You're nothing but a...!" The hateful words that flew from your mouth like projectile vomit washed over me, trying to drown me. Instead of thinking rationally, you lashed out. Your mission: to cause me as much pain as you feel I caused you. I knew you were hurting and tried to wait it out. Whenever I tried to reason with you, you shot me down. All of a sudden you questioned the past and every move I ever made. You let your paranoia get the best of you and made me out to be evil incarnate. After all of that, I still had sympathy for you. I know it was hard for you to see me moving on, but there was one action that dried up the last vestiges of my sympathy. Upon finding out how low you could sink, it's like the memories of times past magically disappeared. Those that know me know that I feel things very deeply. When someone hurts me, it cuts right to my very soul. Maybe the universe is trying to shield me from more pain by bringing me to a state of inner calm and peace. Now that you're gone, I honestly thought that I'd miss you more. Apparently the loss of your negative energy brought me to a place of acceptance.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Who Shapes Your View of the World?

No matter how much we all try to maintain our inner positivity and good humor, the way that we view the world can definitely be shaped by whomever we choose to spend our life with. By nature I'm a caring, generous, loving person who is slow to anger. As a Libra, I'm a natural born mediator and try to see both sides of any situation because fairness is very important to me. This morning I came to the realization that for four and a half years I let myself move further away from the traits that make me a good person. During that time I was sharing my life with someone who believes that the world is against him and that his lot in life will never change. Funnily enough, he wasn't really doing anything to change his lot in life. He was so closed off to the world around him. After being with him for a while, I closed myself off, too.

Now it's been four and a half months since we cut ties. Now that we have, I can feel myself opening up again. There's not a persistent black cloud over everything that I do and say. I've always smiled a lot, but now when I smile, I put my heart into that smile. Over the past six or seven months my weight-loss journey was hampered by the bad feelings that he brought out in me. I've finally got my head screwed on straight and over the past two weeks I lost 5lbs. I can see my goal just up ahead and I plan to keep charging hard to get there.

I let someone that I loved shape my view of the world. Had it not been for the fact that his outlook was one of a toxic nature, doing so would not necessarily have been a bad thing. But since his aura is rife with hatred and isolation, I, in turn, became surly and suspicious of everything and everyone around me. I also became quite apathetic. As many of us know, apathy never leads to good things. I'm happy to be once again shaping my own view of the world. If there ever comes another time in my life where I feel the need to choose someone to share my life with, I will be sure to choose someone who enhances my view of the world instead of shrouding me in the darkness that will only drag me down.